Iconic

But i don’t want to knock media commentators - especially Bruce McErvaney - i love Bruce - he’s so passionate … about … sports entertainment … heee’s  … :  
 Iconic 
 
 When i left Australia in 96, an icon was a statuette of The Blessed Virgin Mary - or Jesus  -  Dying-on-the-Cross … for our sins … !  
 When i arrived back,  it’d come to mean: vaguely representative of … something ... anything … so long as it’s commercial 
 Coming up next: the real life story of an Iconic Aussie breakfast-show-host who can’t stop saying:   Iconic 
 
 With other overused words - it’s fine - i don’t care - some  i like  when they first emerge  - they capture the zeitgeist of our Orwellian ….. :  
 dystopia 
 But iconic - yeah, i do actually have a mental/ physical … :

 
 health condition   
 When i hear it, it’s ….. :  
 triggering 
 This condition involves:  shortness of breath, a tightening in the chest …  & ...  projectile… . : 
 vomit 
 
 So here’s a reality check - for our peeps in the front row : the following may contain ….. :  
 graphic content 
 
 Last Saturday, late-morning, i went to Bunnings to buy a door-handle  
 I got a good park, as normal  
 As soon as i stepped out of the car, i could smell the iconic  ….. :  
 Bunnings sausage & onion sanga   
 I followed that smell, Homer Simpson-style, then ate one in the iconic carpark.  It’s so spacious …

 
 I gazed up at the teal-green & orange-red color scheme of this huge Tin Shed .  It stirred something deep inside me (rub stomach) … this modern Aussie Church … with its iconic image of …… :  
 The Hammer 
 Instead of … The Cross 
 
 It looks rather sinister … now i think about it …

 
 If you’re gonna replace Jesus-nailed-to-the-cross as an Icon … &  your symbol is: The Hammer  …  it’s a bit ….. : 
 tone-deaf   
 Step-right-in - you can buy The Nails inside - or hey, why not upgrade ..? To a nail-gun … ! 
 
 Feeling somewhat uneasy,  i entered the store. That was the …. :  sliding doors moment (figuratively - Bunnings doesn’t have sliding doors - it has shutters) 
 I do remember thinking, as i gripped the iconic XL trolley & yanked it out:  Turn back … it’s not too late  
 My gut instinct was telling me:  You’ve had a gut-full of of sausage fat, & iconic thoughts. 

 Step-the-fuck-away from Icon Town 
 
 Serendipitously , a friendly, bearded, Bunnings salesperson appeared - totally iconicly  
 He kindly accompanied me to aisle number 13 … the door handle aisle 
 
 This is a good but not too expensive brand we stock , he said, holding up a Bunnings/made-in-China door-handle

 
 It’s called … Ikonic 
 
 
 
 
 That was the tipping-point, right there 

 
 A perfect  …..  :  
 storm ….

 
 of sausage & onion … gone ….. :  
 mad 
   
 He was shocked … i was mortified.   He was a really noice iconic guy … who  reacted … not toooo bad … considering

 
 Thank the Lord Jesus … in a blue shawl -  he was wearing his iconic Bunnings ….. :  
 apron

 
 … which turned out to be his saviour 
   
 Disclaimer: the above may or may not have happened as described - it could just be my self-serving …: 
 narrative